Sunday, December 18, 2005 .

Black Balloon


sometimes you want to express yourself literally, and let the form of words be representative of the form of your mind. but you cant. it's beyond you. great, cool, wow, HOW COOL IS THAT!, that sucks!, fuck you!....so sweet!!!, what the hell??!?!.
no amount of punctuations and caps will ever portray what you really feel. nor will how loud you scream for joy or pure loathe. it will never capture those awesome or awful moments, those shards of emotions, and because of that, it will be lost forever. because memory, our emotional bank, like everything human, will eventually fail.
and maybe what you need isnt to publish it on a blog to make it heard. maybe what you need is just for someone to feel entirely what you feel at that precise moment when you were touched, and the look in both your eyes will just give each other the reassurance that you're not alone. not the only one experiencing that one elusive moment.
that's how one grain of sand fuses with the beach, and how one instant can be immortalized.


just like words, your emotions can and will fail you too.
sometimes when you want to just love something so dearly, it just wouldnt let you. or when you need to hate someone so much, it pulls the leash on you. like a restraining order.


i've experienced the need to truly hate someone for a while before i get over the issue. i need to embrace the hatred and loathe, but before im done, i find myself softening. and it sucks. i cant get over without first being in it!

screaming infidelity at 10:45 PM
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